Don't Petrify Me
by Sinister Spiders
Summary: Hermione is trying to chronicle the events of the past nine years, but Ron makes her an offer she can't refuse and she abandons her efforts. *FLUFF*


**Don't Petrify Me**

_Sinister Spiders_

* * *

The sound of the owl hooting contentedly from its cage in the corner of the lounge room was a stark contrast to the whooshing and beeping of the heavy traffic outside the window. Three stories higher than the busy streets of London and it sounded as if the cars and buses were driving right through the hall. Hermione Granger sighed and rubbed her eyes, trying to focus on what she was doing.

The cursor on her laptop blinked at her angrily, telling her that she was slowing down, pointing out the lapse in her storytelling capabilities and screaming at her to keep writing. But her brain was foggy and her eyes droopy after a long day of training at the Ministry. She sighed and sat back in her chair, her fingers gently tapping an urgent rhythm on the keys as she tried to figure out exactly how to represent the ideas in her mind with words that would do them justice.

It was so hard to tell a story when it stubbornly refused to be told.

"BOO!" Hermione yelped and jumped well clear of her chair as the loud sound scared her. She turned angrily, heart pounding furiously, and glared at the sheepishly delighted face of Ronald Weasley.

"Merlin Ron! You scared the wits out of me!" She admonished, but instead of making him feel bad, the grin that crept across his face told her that he got immense enjoyment out of his childish behaviour.

"Oh 'Mione, no one could scare the wits out of you… You have far too many for that!" Ron said, grin turning to a lopsided smile that usually made her smile in return. However, with her heart still pounding from the adrenaline of the fright, she refused to give in to his charms so easily.

"Ron, I'm busy." She sighed before turning back to face her computer again.

"It's bed time." Ron said peering over her shoulder at the word document open on the screen. She slammed the lap top shut.

"I'm aware of that." She snapped "You go ahead. I'll be in when I'm finished here." She didn't need to see Ron to know that he had just rolled his eyes at her. Seven years of friendship and two years of being in a relationship meant that she knew all of his mannerisms as if they were her own.

"But 'Mione- tonight is Thursday night!" Ron said, a hint of a whine slipping into his tone.

"Keen observation Ronald. What of it?" Hermione said, refusing to look at him.

"It's Thursday. And we haven't had sex since Saturday!" He said, his resting on her shoulders. He leant forward slowly, his hot breath tickling her ear enticingly "Do you know how much I have missed having your we-"

"Ronald!" Hermione hissed, eyes wide. Ron laughed and his hands slowly travelled from her shoulders to her collarbone, fingers tracing delicate circles through the fabric of her blouse.

"Come on- come to bed." He whispered with a playful nip at her ear. Despite all her desire to remain resistant to his charms she rested her head slightly against his, enjoying the feeling of his fingers, calmed by the patterns they were making. His hands slipped deftly beneath the collar of her blouse and fiddled with the skin peaking out of the top of her bra. "You know you want to." He breathed.

"No!" Hermione said suddenly, sitting forward decisively. "I really need to get this done Ron; you know how important it is." With that she opened the lap top again and put her fingers on the keyboard, poised to record the next chapter of her tale.

With a heavy sigh Ron sunk into the tattered brown armchair next to the desk, his eyes boring into her.

"Ron, you know I can't work with you watching me." She said.

"Then come to bed."

Hermione ignored her boyfriend and her lips pursed in concentration.

_Ginevra Weasley was lying on the cold stone floor…_

Hermione typed, but then shook her head before backspacing all of the letters she had written, that was not how it should start.

_When Harry Potter arrived to find Ginevra Weasley lying on the floor_…

This time she growled as she deleted the words she had just written. Why was it so hard?

"What are you up to?" Ron's voice pierced through her concentration and her hunched shoulders drooped.

"The Chamber of Secrets." She responded. Ron grinned.

"Oh yeah?" He asked, and she nodded.

"It is so hard to write about it!" She said throwing her hands up into the air.

"Do you know what?" Ron asked, getting to his feet again and maneuvering himself behind her chair.

"What?" She asked, his hands came to rest on her shoulders again and he leant in close, his lips against her frizzy hair.

"I would like to put my Basilisk in your Chamber of Secrets…"

"RONALD BILLIUS WEASLEY!" Hermione cried jumping to her feet, shrill voice silencing Pigwidgeon who was hooting merrily in the corner. Ron sniggered and stepped around her chair, pulling her into a reluctant embrace. "Ronald! That was a very serious incident! Your sister almost died that night! If I don't write about this who do you think will, hmm? The Chamber of Secrets incident was a crucial part in the defeat of Voldemort, and it needs to be recorded accurately so that the generations to come know exactly -"

Without warning Ron launched himself at his girlfriend, and Hermione – caught mid lecture and quite unsuspecting- was swept off her feet and unceremoniously dumped onto the lounge a few feet away. Ron lowered himself on top of her. As soon as his lips met hers her resolve disappeared and she melted into his embrace.

"So…" Hermione said, breath thick with desire as Ron ended their passionate kiss. "Your Basilisk in my Chamber of Secrets, eh?" She asked, when he nodded she grinned "Just try not to petrify me, okay?"

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A/N: There we go- a little piece of Hermione/Ron fluff, the likes of which I have never written before! This was written for OCDdegrassi's "Dirty Harry Potter Pick-Up Lines Competition". Please feel free to leave me a review to let me know what you thought about it!


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